It's Over

Well, the Mavericks 2003-2004 season came to an abrupt halt last night at ARCO Arena in Sacramento. I wasn't mad when the game ended. I didn't throw anything. I didn't even cuss. I just turned the channel and began getting ready for next year.

What a crazy series. The Kings in the first round. We lost in five. BUT, if you go back and change three plays in the series, THREE, the Mavs win in five.

In a series that lasted nearly 250 minutes, a few seconds could have changed the outcome.

In Game 5 if Dirk hits the last shot? Mavs win 120-119. In Game 2, if Marquis Daniels hits the lay-up after the offensive board with just seconds to go. Mavs win 82-80. And in Game 4, if Stevie Nash comes away with a 3-pointer instead of a crazy fadeaway (which he is perfectly capable of hitting), Mavs win 95-94 and win the series.

Three plays. Three plays will haunt the Mavs all summer. Three plays will make the "experts" say the Mavs were horrible. They were "blown away" by the Kings. They need to make big changes. Well, all the "experts" will be wrong.

Charles Barkley said after the season-ending game that the Mavs can't rebound. They were the #1 offensive rebounding team in the league this year and were right up there in defensive rebounds, too.

This season reminds me a lot of the 2001-2002 season when we acquired Raef LaFrentz and Nick VanExel about halfway through the season. We lost to the Kings in five in the Western Semis. The Mavs hadn't had a chance to gel. The chemistry wasn't there.

What happened the next year? They won 60 games and took the Spurs to Game 6 in the Conference Finals.

Don't worry Mavs fans. We'll keep the core we have, become a better defensive team (as we have done every year) and make a deep run in the playoffs next year.

All is well. The Mavs will be back.

A Letter to My Idiot Professor who we'll call: Mr. Smity

Dear Mr Smity,

Let's get a few things straight. I don't like you. Never have. The way you walk and talk annoy me in ways that I have never been annoyed, and I grew up with 2 older brothers.

I am writing you this letter in regards to the $25 you are requiring me to pay to graduate. I had no idea that we were going to have to pay any extra money for your pointless class. And when I say pointless, I mean pointless. I would have learned more sitting on the pot reading Highlights for Children for three hours a week.

I don't have $25. I just took a $400/month paycut, am married, just moved into a bigger house and don't give a rip about school. So I'm not giving you $25 dollars that I could spend on the golf course or on gas.

And let me tell you something else. The stupid book that you required us to buy cost $85. Are you kidding me? We never even used it. And when you did decide to open it up in class, it was obvious you hadn't looked at it. Hey! Smart guy! We can all read. We gave up listening to teachers read to us in class about 15 years ago. Learn to teach! You are NOT a good teacher. You weren't even a good professional. Why else would you be teaching at a Division II school? Oh, because the company you did PR for went bankrupt because their PR guy didn't have the first clue as to what he was doing. Makes sense.

Yeah, I'll end up paying the #O#*$ $25. But let me tell you something. When I'm done with school and I see you around town. Don't expect a "How do you do?" from me. What you can expect is a dirty look and maybe even an assault. You suck.

Love,
Your favorite student

Dallas Mavericks

The Dallas Mavericks will win the NBA championship.

Just some wishful thinking from a fan who watched every game from the 1991-1992 season. The year the pitiful squad won as many games as the number of years I had been alive. That's right: 11. 11 games in an 82 game season? Wow. And four of those wins were against the Minnesota Timberwolves. Led by the great Christian Laettner.

The Mavericks have since seen better days. Winning 40 games in the 1999-2000 season, the mavericks have been over .500 in every season after that. Where were the crazy fans then? Where were the body-painters, the "Mavs Fans For Life" when they won 13 games in '92-93? I didn't see anyone wearing Mavericks apparel back then? I didn't hear anyone analyzing games or talking about playoff matchups then? And I sure didn't hear people saying, "Oh the Mavs will never win it all." It would be asinine to even use "Mavs" and "win" in the same sentence.

Where were the analyzers, the critics? Everyone would have been happy with a .500 record, let alone a 10-10 playoff performance as the Mavs pulled off last year. 10 and 10! They won 11 games one entire season and they won 10 games in the playoffs. That's great! Success! But no.

Now that the Mavs have a fair-weather fan following, no one will be satisfied until the Larry O'Brien trophy is safe in the halls of the American Airlines Center. Now there's nothing wrong with high expectations, but c'mon. Dallas completely change the make-up of their team, have two rookies (albeit incredible rookies) playing heavy minutes, and everyone assumes they'll win a championship. There aren't any other teams in the Western Conference. A conference better, maybe, than any other conference in league history. In the Midwest Division alone, all seven teams were over .500. All seven teams would have easily made the playoffs in the East or even the West in any other year.

But the stigma remains: win it all or you're horrible. No, I'll tell you what horrible is: 11-71. That's horrible. 13-69. That's horrible. Only rooting for a team the "experts" say have a chance to win it all. That's horrible.

You show me 10 tickets from the years 1991-1998 and I'll call you a true Mavericks fan. If you can't do that? Don't come complaining to me telling me how bad the Mavericks are. That they looked horrible last night. What do you care? As soon as they drop off the map, so will you.

If the Mavericks get swept in the first round this year, it will be a successful year. Dallas hasn't won fewer than 53 games since 2000-2001, but the Western Conference has NEVER been stronger. They played the Kings in the opening round for crying out loud. The Kings! That's not a first round opponent. That's the Conference Finals.

Until you show me those ticket stubs. I don't want to talk to you.

The End of An Era

As the end of my college career sneaks ever nearer, I am reminded of a few, helpful quirks:

If you go to ACU, don't ever buy textbooks.

Sometimes pooping in your pants is funny, BUT people remember stuff like that for a long time. You'll never hear the end of it.

Don't make fun of people for being fat and hairy because the person you're telling could be their son or daughter.

If you call your employer and he tells you that "O'Reilly's is hiring," don't go into work that day, you've been fired.

Driving around town in a stolen golf cart is fun until you run into an occupied police car.

Driving around campus in a stolen golf cart is fun until the Dean of Students (whose golf cart you're in) catches you doing it.

When your roommate is sick and puking in the hallyway, it's fun to call up some other friends and hold the phone up so they can hear him gagging.

When you leave the dorm past 10 o'clock and have to sneak through trees and shadows and avoid a spotlight, your school sucks.

Graduation comes in about two weeks. I can't wait until the first person from my school calls and asks me for money because I'm not going to pay. Not one single, solitary dime. hahahahahahahaha. Eat that.

SpxBump

Hello internet. My name is Roe Jackson. Pleased to meet you.